Brother Turner's Home

Howdy, 38.103.63.56. I'm Brother Turner. You should feel special right about.... now.

A picture of Brother Turner in drag. Feel grateful you can't see it Vital Statistics (like you care)

Age: 25, 45, or 16... whatever gets me laid
Occupation: Sys Admin, Programmer, Harbinger of Whoopass
Location: Des Moines, IA ( stop laughing )
Sisters: one, Glidden, IA
Brothers: one, Amarillo, TX
Parents: two... I kinda would have had to now, wouldn't I?
Car: 1998 Mitsubishi Eclipse
Cool Music: Orange 9MM, Live, Crystal Method, etc.
Shitty Music: Country (stop lying to yourself, it sucks)
Piercings:two in left ear, one in right, one in tongue
Girlfriends: one
Is she hot?: yes
Can we see her naked?: no
Are you gay?: no, but Brother Katan is.
Ok, if you're not gay, explain this picture?: Long ago and far away when I was a telemarketer ( I'm sorry if I ever called you ), a departing co-worker was having a going-away party. I came as a woman. And yes, I wore a real bra. It hurt. A lot.
Can we see you naked?: You ain't got that kind of money

I hate webpages... I mean, I hate making "personal" web pages like this. C'mon... like who really gives two shakes of your mama's tits that I have a 40 foot schlong and a 200 pound ball of aluminum created soley from TV dinner tins?

No one!!! That's who... not even me.

I make these massive, complex web applications at my job. Those web pages are ok cause I'm getting some scratch out of it. But this crap... I doubt anyone will even read any of this besides 3 people from Elbonia searching for "200 + pound + schlong". If it doesn't have porn, 40 million popup ads, or a B2B MLM ODBC MSSQL DBMS behind it, it's not work wasting the bandwidth to create it.

But I'm making it anyways. Oh well... I'm bored.

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